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18 Signs That You’re Having A Very British Christmas

Written By Cleo Chaisty
Tuesday 8 Dec 2015 16:50


The supermarkets’ seasonal aisles are suddenly filled with advent calendars, selection boxes and chocolate oranges when it hasn’t even been Halloween yet. Um, can you point me in the directions of the pumpkins?


It’s mid October and people ask you what you’re doing for New Year’s Eve like it’s next week. I don’t know, what are you doing on the 17th of October 2020?


Last week you were wearing flip-flops. This week you can see your breath when you’re watching the soaps so have turned on the central heating for the first time in seven months.


Cheryl Cole X Factor

The X Factor auditions return to our TVs and we know that we’re just a Bootcamp and Judges’ Houses away from the live shows that count our weekends down ‘til Christmas.



No, you’re not drunk. The local garden centre has in fact transformed into a full on grotto, complete with mechanical dancing polar bears, a forest of fake trees and too many Christmas scented candles to count.


Your town announces which reality TV star will be switching on the Christmas lights on and you decide that the year they announce George Clooney is never actually going to come.


The Radio Times’ Christmas Issue is out, which means you set aside an hour with a highlighter in hand to plan what you’re going to watch, and what you’ll set to record. You struggle to plan meals for the day ahead, yet you’ve taken to this surprisingly easily.


Despite the fact shops have been stocking advent calendars since August, you wait until the 1st December to buy the kids theirs at a fraction of the price, only to be faced with shelves that look like something out of The Walking Dead.


Radio DJs warn their listeners that they’re about to play Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas because it’s a scientific fast that those first few notes cause mass goosebumps.


The whole world takes to social media to declare that now they’ve seen the first Coca Cola advert of the year, they official feel Christmassy. Cue passionate posts giving opinions on this year’s John Lewis / Sainsbury’s / M&S TV adverts to follow shortly.


Starbucks swaps their normal take-out cups for Christmas cups and start adding cinnamon, spiced apple, gingerbread, eggnog and any other type of Christmassy flavouring to every drink. Which of course, means you have to try them all.


Channel 5 starts showing back-to-back Christmas films that you’ve never heard of and stars no one famous, but through some sort of Santa sorcery, manage to hook you in anyway.


The office Christmas party date is announced and everyone takes five to reminisce about last year’s antics. Bets are placed on who’s most likely to get caught under the mistletoe / get arrested / dance on a table / make an early exit.


Your diet goes out of the window. In fact, all reasonable eating habits go out of the window because you decide Christmas calories don’t count and that you’ll be joining a gym in January anyway.


Michael Buble’s Christmas album appears back in the charts for the 100th year running. Surely everyone in the world has bought a copy by now?


Shops start asking if you require a gift receipt, which takes longer than it should to make a decision on. What ever happened to blacking out the price with a marker? Oh for the simple life.


The race for the Christmas No.1 is real, and it’s between the X Factor winner and the rebel who wants to bring down Simon Cowell’s Empire one Christmas No.1 at a time.


The only clothes now available to buy have sequins, glitter, reindeers, or a combination of all three on them.