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The Realistic Relationship Stages Of Valentine’s

Which stage are you at?


  • Single *sigh*

    It’s February 14th. And you’re alone. Again. Last year you had a mini-breakdown in front of your colleagues. This year you’re prepared. You have a giant tub of ice cream in the freezer and a bottle two bottles of wine chilling in the fridge.

  • 1-3 Months

    Having very recently had ‘the chat’ and made it official, you spend twenty minutes on the card aisle in the supermarket trying to find one that fits into the I’m-secretly-crazy-about-you-but-need-to-play-it-cool-for-a-little-bit-longer category.

  • 1 Year

    It’s the milestone you’ve been waiting for – time to unleash the love-factor! We’re talking breakfast in bed with heart-shaped eggs, pink sticky notes spelling out ‘I Heart You’ on their car window and a trip to the love capital of the world. Au revoir!

  • 2-6 Years

    Mutually (and sensibly) you opt for a lower budget and use the day as an excuse to book a table at your favourite restaurant where you exchange cards, a bunch of roses and aftershave.

  • 7 Years

    You toy between trying to find a last minute babysitter or ordering a takeaway and watching a film together in your pyjamas. Takeaway and pyjamas won. What seven-year itch?

  • 8-9 Years

    Forget the hearts, flowers and expensive meal. It’s all about silly ‘in-joke’ cards, getting the in-laws to babysit and heading to the pub to have a drink for every year spent together. *hic*

  • 10 Years

    This year it’s all about the kids. You send each of them a cupcake and a card - signed by their secret admirer, of course. Aww.

  • 25 Years

    You’ve reached a quarter century– surely a reason to celebrate?! And by celebrate, we mean a bottle of Merlot with a double-figured price tag to go with your dine-in-for-two meal. Who said romance was dead?

  • 30 Years

    You’ve a table booked at a swanky restaurant and for the first time in forever, are dressed to the nines. When you arrive, they surprise you with a card and necklace despite agreeing not to do gifts. That’s why they’re a keeper.

  • 40 Years

    In the midst of all of the weddings, birthdays and christenings, you only realise what day it is as you’re watching the 10 o’clock news with a cuppa. You say it’s overrated anyway and they offer you the last digestive. Real. Love.

  • 50 Years

    You agreed to babysit the grandchildren so your night is spent feeding, bathing and consoling the darling angels before eventually enjoying dinner together at 10pm and promptly falling asleep. No change there then! 

  • It’s All A Blur! 

    You’ve got this longevity thing down to a tee… so much so that you still bring out the same two cards from previous Valentine’s Days together. Romantic or frugal? We’ll let you decide.


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